Since the beginning of mankind, people have been trying to figure out what love truly is. We’ve gotten answers from poets, novelists, theologians, even singers. So who has it right? What is love? Well, I may not have the perfect answer, but I would like to share with you what I’ve learned about love after 25 years of marriage. Here are the Do’s and Don’ts of Marriage. First, DON’T be selfish. DO put your...
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Words are powerful. Words can build up. Words can tear down. It’s so important to be careful what you say, especially in marriage. There are four toxins of the tongue that can cause great marital harm. First, sarcastic words. Sarcastic comments like, “Hey, the laundry doesn’t clean itself” cause discord and can corrupt what was once a happy relationship. Second, unsupportive words. Your spouse shares with you...
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I realized that I’ve been writing and speaking about how to have a great marriage, but I haven’t been putting all of it into practice. Why? Well, a house flood, new book, financial pressures, family health challenges, and busyness have all played a role in keeping me from focusing on my marriage. But there’s no excuse. So, what am I doing about it? First, I’m re-reading some of my own blog posts on marriage and...
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We all have different ways of communicating that reflect our personalities. But healthy communication exists best when spouses are both developing the skill of assertive communication. An assertive spouse develops a clear understanding of what their spouse feels, thinks and wants. They work on dealing directly, honestly, and, most importantly, respectfully with their spouse. For example, during a financial...
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We all have challenges and battles in life and in marriage. The new movie War Room reminds us that we do have weapons to fight that battle well. First, we must engage with humility. We must realize that we’re not always right and that we must listen to our spouses and look out for their best interests. Second, we must sacrifice. Sometimes we have to lay down our wants and reinforce our spouses even when we don’t...
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Many of us expect our spouse to “just know” what we are thinking or feeling. After years with each other, we begin to expect our spouse to know we’ve had a bad day, that we’re tired, or that we want affection. They “should just know,” right? Well, that’s not realistic! Years of experience make it easier to predict your spouse’s response, but it’s no substitute for communication. If you want your spouse to...
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The best time for marriage counseling is before you need it. Marriage counseling teaches couples how to work through their differences, communicate better, and solve problems in the relationship. So why don’t more people do it? Well, many couples feel that their private life should be just that—private. They feel there is a stigma associated with seeking counseling. But there are times when a third party...
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