Words are powerful. Words can build up. Words can tear down.  It’s so important to be careful what you say, especially in marriage.  There are four toxins of the tongue that can cause great marital harm.  First, sarcastic words.  Sarcastic comments like, “Hey, the laundry doesn’t clean itself” cause discord and can corrupt what was once a happy relationship. Second, unsupportive words.  Your spouse shares with you...

We all have different ways of communicating that reflect our personalities. But healthy communication exists best when spouses are both developing the skill of assertive communication. An assertive spouse develops a clear understanding of what their spouse feels, thinks and wants. They work on dealing directly, honestly, and, most importantly, respectfully with their spouse. For example, during a financial...

Many of us expect our spouse to “just know” what we are thinking or feeling.  After years with each other, we begin to expect our spouse to know we’ve had a bad day, that we’re tired, or that we want affection.  They “should just know,” right?  Well, that’s not realistic!  Years of experience make it easier to predict your spouse’s response, but it’s no substitute for communication.  If you want your spouse to...

In a merger, two groups contract to join forces within a certain period of time. In a marriage, two people covenant to become one—and that's a lifelong process.  It doesn't just happen in deep discussions and major moments, great as those times may be.  It also occurs in the small, daily things of life when you are intentional about growing together with your spouse. Whether it's cooking together, exercising...

We’ve all heard the saying: Let’s Agree to Disagree.  But when it comes to a healthy marriage, there are certain things couples MUST agree on.  First, you must agree on when and how to discipline your kids.  That means you must be unified and consistent when disciplining your children. Always remember that you and your spouse are supposed to be on the same team. Second, you must agree on how to handle money.  Be...

Every marriage is full of tough decisions that sometimes lead couples to disagree. But you can disagree in a kind and loving way. So here are 3 agreeable ways to disagree with your spouse. First, disagree with affirmation. Start off well by validating their position and by finding common ground with your spouse. Second, disagree with kindness. Disagreements are much more effective when each spouse agrees to use...

For many couples, conflict occurs because they remember things differently. Sometimes the actual details are clear-cut, and a cool review and discussion will sort things out. But often it's just that men and women simply remember things differently because their brains are wired differently. It's why men are often single-minded and women can more easily multitask. When dealing with an important issue you each...