My wife, Susan, and I have different styles of communication. So, to help us, we use what’s called the speaker/listener technique. Here’s how the speaker/listener technique works. The speaker holds a pen or some other object to show they have the floor. The speaker then makes a short statement or point. After the speaker makes their first point, the listener repeats it back or paraphrases what they heard so that...
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It happens all too often…wife sits down with husband and shares her thoughts, feelings and emotions. After a short time, husband starts to tune out, looks down at his phone and then his mind wanders to other things. But when we don’t listen to our wives, here are 4 things that often happen. First, wives become distant. A woman can’t help but feel rejected when the thoughts she shares with her husband aren’t...
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The weather app on my phone gives me a forecast for the cities I travel to. Recently, I began thinking how helpful it would be to have a marriage app…an app that would forecast what kind of weather to expect at home every day. Even though I haven’t invented such an app, I can share with you a daily checklist that will help avoid oncoming storms in your marriage. First, check the forecast. Look at the upcoming...
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We’ve all seen it before. We say something to our spouse and, immediately, we can see their face starting to turn red with rage. Well, if you realize you’ve offended your spouse, or have been misinterpreted, you can ask for a “do-over,” where you rephrase the statement so that it’s kinder and clearer. First, when you see your spouse bristling, stop the conversation immediately. Second, ask for the do over with...
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When you try to convey love to your spouse, does the message get through clearly, or is it lost in translation? You see, we’re all different. What I consider a loving gesture—a nice gift—might not mean anything to my wife… not because she’s unappreciative, but because there’s something else that makes her feel loved…like when I tell her I appreciate her sacrifices for our family. Dr. Gary Chapman says there are...
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In a letter… that’s right… a letter. When you write something out, you usually give it more thought, and are more careful with the words you put on paper. Your spouse will probably receive it better as well, since they can read it over and then think about it privately… and you won’t be there to argue with! So when I want to address a sensitive subject with my wife… something she said that might have offended...
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Do you know what "love languages" are? In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr. Gary Chapman says a love language is how someone wants to be shown love because it satisfies a deep-seated need. According to Dr. Chapman, the five love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Quality Time refers to spending time...
