My wife, Susan and I have been so happy to see friends who have had long-lasting marriages but have been saddened as well by marriages that seemed great but came to a shocking end. In a marriage failure, there are usually one or more marriage killers that are constantly present. For example, one marriage killer is comparison. One spouse might often say things like, “Why can’t you be more like her?” Or, “Why can’t...
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You need to be accepted by your spouse, warts and all, just as you are. But not every change your spouse desires is an attack on you or your personality. So, instead of just ignoring them or bowing up to them, start by asking… “On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being really, really important to you, how important is it to you that I change this action or behavior?” Then, focus on those 8’s, 9’s and 10’s…and put the...
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Recently, my wife, Susan and I had one of those conflicts where we started talking about one thing, but ended up listing everything that we sometimes find irritating about each other. All of it could have been avoided if we just remembered some important facts. First, we are equal opportunity agitators. We both do things that annoy each other, and we need to step back and look at ourselves first. Second, it’s...
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Do you know what "love languages" are? In his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr. Gary Chapman says a love language is how someone wants to be shown love because it satisfies a deep-seated need. According to Dr. Chapman, the five love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Quality Time refers to spending time...
Guys, have you ever bought your wife a nice gift and wondered why she did not jump for joy? Wives, have you ever given your husband a compliment only to have it fall on deaf ears? Author Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that there are five love languages, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. And, everyone has a language that makes them feel the most loved. So, take...
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Words are powerful. Words can build up. Words can tear down. It’s so important to be careful what you say, especially in marriage. There are four toxins of the tongue that can cause great marital harm. First, sarcastic words. Sarcastic comments like, “Hey, the laundry doesn’t clean itself” cause discord and can corrupt what was once a happy relationship. Second, unsupportive words. Your spouse shares with you...
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We all have different ways of communicating that reflect our personalities. But healthy communication exists best when spouses are both developing the skill of assertive communication. An assertive spouse develops a clear understanding of what their spouse feels, thinks and wants. They work on dealing directly, honestly, and, most importantly, respectfully with their spouse. For example, during a financial...
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