It’s crucial to develop good listening skills that account for your spouse’s style. There are different communication “personalities” that help you to listen better. For instance, maybe you’re married to what I call “Details Danny…or Danielle”. They don’t just tell a story, but the entire story. Details that seem frivolous to you are a big deal to them. And they don’t feel heard without telling details. So if you...

Author Cynthia Ulrich Tobias wrote a book that helps parents and educators understand kids. It’s called The Way They Learn. Her insights about learning styles can also help spouses who are trying to better understand one another. The first learning style is Concrete-Sequential. These spouses are organized and efficient. Systems and routines just make sense to them, and they take things literally. The second style...

Ending your day angry at your spouse can cause a lot of harmful effects. Here are just a few of those consequences. First, bricks are added to the wall that divides you as a couple. And as the wall gets higher, the division gets wider. Second, when you go to sleep angry, it’s hard to have a fresh start the next day. That last thing on your mind at night often becomes the first thing on your mind the next day....

All couples have disagreements. Much of the time, these fights are like brush fires—they come out of nowhere and overwhelm us with flames. And just like a real fire, the fires in our marriages require us to do three things: stop, drop, and roll. First, we must stop. This means stopping a healthy debate from escalating into an unhealthy argument by taking a break at the first sign it is getting out of control....

It’s not just the decisions themselves that impact your family; it’s also how you go about making them. Healthy decisions tend to be the ones that are made using a healthy process. Be committed to the principle that no big decision should be made without the full input and consideration of your spouse. Decisions made without a spouse’s input communicate, “I don’t value or need your opinion and perspective…I got...

Of all the sports that make up the 2014 Winter Olympics, there is one that’s a lot like marriage: cross-country skiing.  So how can you learn to go for the gold in our marriage from this timeless sport?  First, you can learn to prepare for different terrains.  Some days you’ll glide freely in your marriage. Other days may feel relationally cold and icy.  Be prepared for these different terrains by having a...

Susan and I have been married 24 years. After so many years, you’d think we would have smooth sailing in our relationship all the time, right? Well, not really. We still argue. And, more often than not, it’s usually about the same two or three things…like my sometimes critical spirit towards Susan.  So, what can be done about the same old marriage fights? First, identify the root cause of the problem. Once you and...