Motivation and Personality Type
Have you ever asked yourself, "How are my children so different, even though they've been raised in the same house?" The answer is partially due to personality temperament. Think back to your own siblings or friends growing up. You may have come from similar backgrounds, but each of you had your own way of looking at things. And because of personality differences, you may find that cookie-cutter discipline techniques and motivation tactics don't work the same for all of your children.
Take the time to get to know your kids. How do they view the world? How does each respond to criticism or to encouragement. What motivates each of them? According to family expert Gary Smalley in the book, The Key to Your Child's Heart, your kids will basically fall into one of five personality types, and each type of child will respond differently to motivation techniques.
Strong-willed Kids
Do you have a child who usually believes she is right? Is she a perfectionist, and quick to be critical of herself and others? Is she persistent and even a bit stubborn? Does she show loyalty to those she loves and sometimes emotional over sentimental things? Then she is probably what Smalley calls a strong-willed child. Strong-willed children typically comply with requests that they know to be right, so explaining the why's of a situation works well. These children tend to see through insincerity and manipulation, so be careful not to use deception. Also, although these children may be blunt with others, they don't necessarily handle blunt criticism well.
Peacemaker Kids
Peacemakers typically are compliant, conforming, supportive children. Do you have a child who seems more agreeable and compassionate than the others? Does she shy away from arguments and conflicts? These are the characteristics of a peacemaker. Smalley suggests that parents make sure the peacemaker child knows she is liked for who she is. While the peacemaker is rather compliant, she can become stubborn when offended, so be careful not to use very harsh words. You may also find that when discussing issues, your peacemaker will respond better to the emotional feelings and opinions of the subject rather than the facts.
Cheerleader Kids
Is one of your kids more excitable and outgoing than the others? Does she seem rather reactive and expressive? Does she have a creative, undisciplined side to her? If she is a cheerleader personality type, she may display these characteristics, in addition to sometimes being manipulative and competitive. If you have a child like this, consider motivating her by helping her with her goals, which may be unrealistic. You may also relate to her better by finding out what her interests are and trying to learn about that subject. Because your cheerleader wants to win, you might want to compromise on issues that you feel have some flexibility.
Pusher Kids
Pusher kids tend to be objective, independent and competitive. They can sometimes be bossy, harsh and even uncommunicative. But you will also find they are the ones to initiate action and the ones determined to get things done. In helping them work through motivation issues, keep in mind that, according to Smalley, these children are "interested in knowing what will happen, not so much why it will happen." You will also find that they will respond better to arguments based on objective facts, not on emotions.
Helper Kids
Similar to the peacemakers, helper kids tend to be conforming and seek to avoid conflict. However, Smalley says they differ from peacemakers in that helpers are "more concerned with assisting people in need rather than empathizing with them." Does one of your children seem to have too much to do? Is she over-committed with projects to help others? Is she sometimes undependable, impulsive and very sure of her way being the only way? Then you may have a helper kid. Smalley suggests motivating these children with sincere praise. You may find that they get distracted from a project by starting on another project, so help keep them on task by making sure they are not overscheduled and by helping them organize their time with a calendar or to-do list.
So how do these principles apply to your family's daily life? Smalley says, "When motivating a child by using his or her 'natural bent' it is important to learn the child's basic interests and talents. You can use this knowledge to motivate that child to be a better student, eat healthier foods, read books, and do many other things."
Copyright by Family First 2007. All rights reserved.
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