Conflict brings out our natural defense mechanisms.If you tend to avoid or hide from it, then you’re probably like a turtle…the ever fearful animal tucks his head into the safety of his shell at the first sign of trouble.At the other extreme is the skunk…that nasty creature whose response is to spew out a horrendous odor that lets everyone around him know how he’s feeling.It’s better to be like the wise owl, whose...
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Many of us expect our spouse to "just know" what we're thinking or feeling. After years with each other, we begin to expect our spouse to know we've had a bad day, that we're tired, or that we want affection. They "should just know," right? Well, that's not realistic! Years of experience make it easier to predict your spouse's response, but it's no substitute for communication. If you want your spouse to know what...
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Just like the space shuttle, if you re-enter the atmosphere of your home at the wrong angle, youcould be in trouble. Realize that you and your spouse have different expectations. You're looking for relaxation…your spouse is looking for reinforcements. You can have both if you give the reinforcement first. When you walk in, ignore the mail and phone messages. Talk to your spouse first, and offer to lighten the load...
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Unfortunately, many of us are in the demolition business when it comes to our spouse. We tend to be competitive, critical and even condescending. But when it comes to our spouse, we should be a builder—undergirding and strengthening them against the things in life that would tear them down. Here are three building blocks to support your spouse. First, be cooperative. Help accomplish your spouse's goals. Second, be...
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As a private pilot, I can tell you that bad weather and air turbulence are just a part of flying. Sometimes it can be avoided…other times, it can't. Building an intimate marriage is kind of like flying a plane—sure, most of us would like to avoid turbulence in our marriage, but sometimes you just have to fly through it. The key to navigating through it is to learn to resolve conflict and communicate with each...
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I sometimes get asked about good books for married couples. If a couple is having severe problems, a book may not be enough. Marriage counseling may be necessary. But a good marriage book can help you foresee potential problems, focus on the important issues, and navigate you through some challenges in your journey as a couple. So choose a book to walk through with your spouse. I've made a list of meaningful books...
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Maybe you're lonely because your spouse is never home. Maybe they're at home but still very distant…you're searching for intimacy with your soul-mate, craving their companionship. What can you do when you're feeling so far away from your spouse? First, communicate your need to your spouse in a non-confrontational and non-accusatory manner. Let them know that you love them and want to spend time with them. ...
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