Becoming Best Friends with Your Spouse

By: Family First Staff

A best friend is someone you like spending time with and with whom you share intimately. In his book Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, Dr. Gary Smalley provides insights on becoming best friends with your spouse.

Share Common Experiences

Dr. Smalley has found that families who are most satisfied with their inner-family relationships are those who have a concern for togetherness. These families contained a husband and wife who made a point not to schedule activities outside of their family too often. While they still maintained individual interests, these couples worked at becoming a unit. Dr. Smalley also found that these successful families shared a love of camping. Camping allows a family to share in the beauty of creation, as well as growing in unity through the tough parts of the trip.

Attack and Conquer Tragedies as a Couple

In the words of Dr. Smalley, "No one hunts for tragedy, but if it strikes at your door, you can strengthen your marriage by dealing with it as a team." If you and your spouse face a crisis, be sure to face it together as a unit and not individually.

Make Important Decisions Together

Commit to each other not to make decisions that affect the both of you unless you have both agreed to it. Dr. Smalley says that this principle has had a powerful impact on his own marriage. He says that making the commitment to agree on major decisions forces a couple to communicate on a deeper level, to gain understanding of each other's viewpoints, and to even discover the root of each other's thinking.

Develop a Sense of Humor

Add a little humor to your marriage. Think back to your courtship days and try to bring that sense of lightheartedness to your current relationship. You could simply clip out some humorous cartoons from the newspaper, and be sure to laugh when your mate tells a good joke. Just enjoy your time together having fun.

Understand the Personalities of You and Your Husband

Every one is different, and they come to a marriage with different temperaments and personality traits. Take a personality test or read a book on the subject. Understand how you are different and how you can work with each other's strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reacting to one anothers weaknesses, find ways to compensate for them.

"Becoming best friends is not an automatic process just because you live together. You have to learn to compensate when you are confronted daily with the faults and weaknesses of your mate. Your 'best friend' relationship will require perseverance, patience, understanding, genuine love..."

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This article is based on Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, by Dr. Gary Smalley.

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