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Parenting > General Parenting

Call Him "Son"
By: Steve Chapman
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For some mysterious reason, all can seem well with the world when a man is confident that his father unconditionally loves and accepts him. Down through the ages of time, men's spirits have risen or fallen on the knowledge that their fathers either proudly called them sons or refused or neglected to do so.

One of the most impacting examples of this is found in the story a woman told us of the time her husband stood at the bedside of his dying father. As his dad writhed in the final minutes of pain, he suddenly bolted upright in his bed and screamed, "What's happening to me, son?"

With that, the distraught husband ran out of the room weeping. His wife followed him into the hall and consoled him, "Honey, it must be awful to see your dad dying this way."

His sob-filled response to his caring wife was not what she expected. "That's not why I'm crying. It's because that's the first time he's ever called me 'son'!"

The dad had waited far too long. What a shame that it was in his nearly unconscious state that he finally provided something so simple yet so desperately desired by his son. The dad probably died without knowing what an extreme mixture of sadness and joy the moment had yielded. Like a man drowning in the raging waters of emotion and needing a life preserver, the son will cling tightly to the last words of his father for the rest of his days. How much better his time on earth would have been had the title of "son" been tenderly spoken years earlier.

I don't want to make the same mistake. For that reason, I never passed up an opportunity to tell my son, Nathan, that he was loved and that even when he failed my love would remain true. I wanted to be like my friend who revealed how to show unconditional love. He told me that his boy was quite shy but was very talented at playing the drums. One day he surprised his folks when he announced he had joined the percussion line of the high-school marching band. They were shocked and happy that their normally reserved son had taken the initiative to do something so outgoing.

The first Friday football game finally arrived, and my friend said that he and his wife nervously climbed into the bleachers. Halftime came at last and the dad said, "Steve, his mom and I were so excited when the band marched out onto the field and began their program. We were never more proud of our son that night. We looked down on the field and the whole band was going the wrong way...except for our boy!"

Though the dad's humorous story didn't contain an ounce of fact, the truth in it is profound. We need to be proud of our children. I, for one, will be forever grateful that my mother and father showed a great deal of mercy and undying love to me, even in the face of all the times I fell "out of step" with their hopes for my life. I admit that, at times, I was a source of embarrassment to them, yet I can still recall their countenance of acceptance.

One of those instances involved a night they got a phone call from a neighbor who lived directly behind them one street over. She warned my folks, "You all lock your doors! There's a crazy, long-haired man walking up and down the street playing a guitar and singing at the top of his lungs. It's scaring me to death. I just thought you ought to know in case he comes your way!"

Much to their chagrin, the crazy man was their son, and they knew it. They didn't try to explain to their neighbor that she need not be alarmed. They simply bowed their heads and offered one more prayer for their boy who had climbed too far out on the limb of weirdness.

While I certainly provided my mother and father with plenty of other opportunities to express unconditional love, my contributions to their challenge returned to me. Nathan made sure of it. While none of his antics were life threatening or potentially ruinous to the family name, I won't confess them here. I can only hope that each time I remind him of my love and acceptance, the words strengthen and comfort him in his heart the way my parents' generous love did for me.

Is It Too Late?

It would be fair at this point to recognize that not all men who want to express their unconditional love do well at saying it. Instead, they do much better by showing it.

However, I cannot let the "silent type" of dad totally off the hook. I strongly caution that we men must understand that absolutely nothing warms the heart of a son more than hearing his father say, "You're mine, I love you, and I'm proud of you!"

Furthermore, these words are mysteriously encouraging. So much so that a man's very confidence is impacted by it. When Jesus, for example, was about to do the humbling job of washing the disciples' feet, Scripture records an interesting statement: "Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel. He girded Himself. Then He poured water into the basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel" (John 13:3-5 NASB, emphasis added). How could the Son of God be so unthreatened by doing something so lowly? Because He had no doubt about His status with His Father. That confidence allowed Him to see that service did not lessen His royalty—it highlighted it!

There are sons who have never received the kind of audible acceptance Jesus knew from His Father. Many of them are afraid to attempt something as remarkable as humbling themselves and serving another human being. Why? Perhaps it's because they are preoccupied with trying to find acceptance and bolster their own self-worth.

Like medicine, a father's words of acceptance can heal a son's wounded ego. Showing it and saying it should go hand in hand.

Is it too late for dads to openly express love to children who are grown to eye level? Absolutely not. In the soil of human hearts, sowing word seeds of love in the autumn of a son's life still yields a good crop.

Let me illustrate: I eat, drink, and breathe deer hunting. Well, maybe not quite—but it's close! I own a 20-acre piece of property that I hunt on. There were plenty of signs (deer tracks and trails) that made it clear the critters were using my woods to get from one field to another, but the absence of plenty of droppings and impressions in the leaves on the forest floor that would reveal their resting there said to me that my woods was a hallway and not a bedroom for them.

I was not raised on a farm, so I didn't know the full facts about seeding and harvest times. Without that knowledge, it was natural for me to assume that because it wasn't until August when I realized my need for a food plot to attract deer, it was too late to do something about it. Then one day I was standing in the aisle of a local hunting goods store when I saw a bag of seed with large letters printed on the label. They read: "Good for fall planting." Upon closer inspection, I found these words, "Best results if planted in mid-August to mid-September." Whoa!

When I got home with my bag of seeds, I excitedly announced my find to Annie, my farmer's daughter wife and expert gardener.

"Sure!" she said. "Anyone knows there are lots of seeds you can put in the ground later in the year. Some of my best flowers are planted in the fall."

I nursed my outdoorsman ego and then promptly headed to my property to start clearing a large area of the woods. My goal was to entice the local whitetail to stop in for breakfast and stay a spell (while I waited for them in my permanently mounted tree stand!). As I was removing rocks and other debris out of the ground in preparation to plow and plant my "fall blend," I suddenly thought of dads who have assumed that because so much time has passed, it is too late to sow seeds of love into their grown kids' hearts. I thought of what good news it would be for them to know the truth that it is never too late to make a call or write a letter of love to a child. The fruit that it can bear, even in the autumn of a child's life, is sweet.

I pray that if this is your situation you will find the courage to sow some love seeds as soon as possible.

Taken from 10 Things I Want My Son to Know. Copyright © 2002 by Steve Chapman. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission.